


Birds and Bees

by Fishpaste



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Discussion of prostitution, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, discussion of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 13:02:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21374572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fishpaste/pseuds/Fishpaste
Summary: Just where do babies come from? Finny is curious, Bard is embarrassed and Mey Rin is laughing at them all.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	Birds and Bees

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ShyWhovian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyWhovian/gifts).

It had been the Lady Elizabeth’s visit that had got Finny thinking about it. In the days after she’d returned home and life had gone back to its usual rhythm, he found himself thinking over it. As he pulled up the weeds in the kitchen gardens, or fed the hens and goats that lived on the estate, as he helped haul away a fallen tree, and carried armfuls of firewood into the kitchen, he pondered the best way of asking about it.

“Bard?” He asked one evening, when the work had been finished and he and the chef were sitting back and relaxing, Bard was reading through the newspaper and Finny was practising his writing.

“Mm?”

“Where do babies come from?”

Bard drew in a shocked breath, accidently inhaling his cigarette and fell backwards off his chair while he tried to cough it back out. Finny watched with wide eyes as the chef choked and spluttered, tears streaming from his eyes until he managed to spit back out the mangled cigarette.

“Bloody ‘ell Finny, what brought this on?” He croaked.

“Um…” Well he hadn’t expected that reaction, it was just a simple question right? Now he felt uncertain again, and fidgeted as Bard stood up, righting his chair and sitting back down, though he didn’t pick up his newspaper again.

“Well…miss Elizabeth’s gonna marry the master right? So I got to thinking about why people got married, and you said that it was to make a family, so I was thinking where do babies come from? Cos’ I know where the seeds in the garden come from, but I don’t think babies work like that.”

“Uh…no. Not much like that. No.”

Bard was still red faced and seemed unable to actually meet Finny’s eyes. The young gardener began to get a little nervous, had he done something bad maybe? There were a lot of rules to do with people that he was still learning, Bard wasn’t going to be angry with him about this was he? He just wanted to know…

“Well, you see Finny…um…”

Was it a really complicated method? That seemed likely, after all, people were a lot more complicated than flowers, it must be very difficult to make them, right? 

“Well…babies happen when a couple of people love each other very much…”

“Like me and you?”

“No! I mean, uh, no…not two guys. A boy and a girl, you see? And then they…um…”

Bard was looking hunted now, glancing at the door like he wanted to run away. This must be a really scary topic? Somehow? Were babies scary? He’d seen them out and about in town and they’d seemed sweet enough. Mey Rin had told him not to try and touch though, they were very delicate, and he didn’t want to hurt them.

“They do a sorta…special hug. And then the baby starts growing inside the girl.”

Now Bard seemed to have relaxed a bit, as though he’d navigated some difficult explanation. Finny nodded, hoping he wasn’t going to get upset or angry again, he really did want to know this.

“And then when it’s big enough, the girl takes it out and there you go. A baby.”

“Oh…that seems pretty simple…” He said, unsure. 

“Well it is. But you should only do it if yer already married to the girl, alright Finny? No going after girls just yet. Don’t think my heart could take it!” Bard laughed, standing up again and looking unaccountably relieved as he tousled Finny’s hair and went to douse the lights before bed. Finny jumped up to help lock up the doors, still wondering about babies and special hugs.

Why had Bard been so reluctant to tell him about it? You hugged a girl in a special way and then you got a baby. It didn’t seem very complicated to him. Unless…wait….he hugged Mey Rin all the time! Oh no! What if he gave her a baby! He didn’t think she’d like that! That must be why Bard was so reluctant to tell him, he didn’t want him accidently giving Mey Rin a baby!

**

Finny did his best to avoid Mey Rin for the next couple of days. He couldn’t possibly hug her in case he gave her a baby and she got angry with him! He loved Mey Rin far too much to ever want her angry with him after all…but it was hard.

Bard was good of course, always ready to listen to Finny or help him with something and he loved him. But Mey Rin was soft and comforting and she gave better advice than Bard, even if she didn’t seem to know as much sometimes. And she gave the best hugs too, tight and safe and warm. So he moped around for two days, trying not to let the lack of hugs bother him.

And then on the third day he decided that he couldn’t cope with this anymore. He couldn’t go forever without a hug! He just couldn’t! But…after he spent some time thinking over what Bard had told him, he thought he had a solution.

“Mey Rin?” He asked, looking hopefully up at her. Mey Rin looked down at him, smiling. She was standing on a small step stool, hanging some of the large white sheets up to dry in the warm sunshine.

“Yes Finny?” 

“Will you marry me?”

For a moment he thought she was going to fall off the little stool, and had already reached out to catch her before she seemed to regain her balance, still staring at him with her mouth agape though. She stepped down so they were face to face again and frowned.

“Will I…what brought this on Finny?”

Oh, it was a no then. The young boy wilted a little. He didn’t think he could go on too much longer if he couldn’t hug Mey Rin. Maybe Bard could tell him exactly what this special hug was and then he could just give her normal hugs then?

“Well…I jus’ really wanted another hug…” He said quietly.

“Oh Finny…” She said, her voice soft, “You can have a hug whenever you want!” She held out her arms to him but he stepped back hurriedly, he couldn’t!

“No! I can’t, not unless I get married to you first!”

“What?”

“I don’t want t’give you a baby!” He wailed and Mey Rin looked completely baffled.

“A baby?”

“Yes! Bard said, he said…” Finny tried to explain, trying not to cry at the same time. “He said that a boy could give a girl a baby with a special hug and I don’t wanna give you a baby ‘cos then you won’t be here anymore because you’ll hafta look after the baby all the time and I’m sorry! But I can’t…I can’t go without a hug anymore!” He gave up on holding back the tears now. 

“Did he now?” Mey Rin sounded almost annoyed and Finny felt even worse than before, rubbing at his eyes and sobbing, had he got things wrong again? He just wanted a hug! And then Mey Rin’s arms were around him, holding him close and he didn’t even hesitate before clinging back to her. Obviously if she wanted to hug him then it was okay to hug her right? 

“You can’t give a woman a baby with a hug Finny…s’bit more complicated than that, yes it is.” Mey Rin said, still hugging him.

“You can’t? But Bardroy said…”

“I know what he said. Silly man. An’ I’m going to have a long talk with him. But it’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“Is it? Oh…” The tears had dried up now that he knew he wasn’t in trouble and wasn’t going to be deprived of hugs for the rest of his life. “So where do babies come from then?”

“Um…”

“Mey Rin?”

“I think you should probably ask Sebastian about it, alright? He’s taught you everything else hasn’t he? He’s probably the best one to explain, um, that.”

“Oh. Okay!”

**

“Um, Sebastian?” Finny asked, knocking as gently on the door as he could, and wincing at the dent that appeared in the hard dark wood. Sebastian looked up from the accounts, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Yes, what have you done now Finnian?”

“Nothing! Well, I mean I’ve done a lot of things today, but I haven’t done nothing wrong if that’s what you mean.” Sebastian watched him for a moment before appearing to decide he was telling the truth.

“Very well. What is it you’re after then?”

“Well, Mey Rin said I should come ask you…and now she’s gone to shut at Bard, only I’m not quite sure why…so um…”

“Yes?”

“Where do babies come from?”

“Is that what this is about?”

“Uh…yes.”

“I see. Well I suppose once again it falls to me to pick up the slack.” The butler took off his glasses he always wore when doing the accounts and rubbed the bride of his nose, looking very put upon. Finny shuffled his feet, hoping he wasn’t being too much of a bother, Sebastian was very busy after all and he didn’t want to interrupt his important work.

“Sit down Finny.” The gardener sat down nervously in one of the hard wooden chairs kept in the room. Sebastian tapped a pen against the edge of the desk briefly, seeming to gather his thoughts.

“Alright…well let us first begin by the obvious. Babies are the product of sexual intercourse between adults.”

“Sexual, inter-what?”

“Intercourse.”

“And what’s that?”

Sebastian launched off into an explanation that started off understandable, about how boys and girls were different from one another, and then when completely baffling. Finny nodded and tried to look like he understood as Sebastian talked about ladies of the night, and miscarriages, whatever they were, and consent…

He tried to ask some questions, but even Sebastian’s answers to his questions was confusing. He just used so many long words that Finny didn’t know, and he talked so quickly that Finny didn’t have a chance to properly understand one part before he’d gone on to another bit.

And then half an hour had passed and Sebastian was shooing Finny away because he needed to finish his work and Finny was even more confused than ever. So babies came out of their mothers because the father did…something…and they had to take off all their clothes…and then if they were night women they took away your money…and then there might sometimes be a baby? But only sometimes?

He sighed, he just didn’t understand. Who knew babies could get this complicated?

**

Lying in bed that night, listening to Bard breathing on the other side of the room Finny still didn’t understand. He was trying to sort it all out…what happened exactly and where did everything fit in together?

The bit about the night girls was worrying him now, because it was night now. Night came every single day and he’d never seen a night woman yet, but that didn’t mean they might not come! He sat up, suddenly worried. What would he do if they did come! They might come in his room, make him take all his clothes off and then take his money! HE didn’t have much money! And he didn’t want to give it to them!

He scrambled out of bed and went to shake Bard’s shoulder. The chef grunted and then sat up quickly, reaching for his pistol before he realised it was Finny.

“Fin?” He asked, yawning. “S’nearly midnight, what’s up?” He sat up, swiping sleepily at his eyes and Finny felt a good portion of his worry burn away just from having Bard there. He always felt safer around Bard, he’d been everywhere and done everything and he’d always promised he’d look after Finny, so as long as he was around there wasn’t anything to really worry about.

“Um…” How did he explain that he was worried about the night ladies coming and stealing his money?

“Another nightmare?” Bard was sitting up properly now, looking seriously at him. Finny shook his head.

“No…it’s what Sebastian was tellin’ me about. Bard, I don’t want the night women to come and take my clothes off and steal my money! I don’t have much money!”

“…what?”

“Sebastian said that night women came and took your clothes off and then you had to give them all your money but I don’t want to!”

“Oh Finny…” Bard slumped back against the pillows. “They’re not goin’ to come…”

“But Sebastian said!”

“I know…he jus’…” Bard scrubbed at his face. “Look…um…right.” Finny sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Bard to make all his worries go away again.

“Bard?”

“You don’t need to worry…look.” He sighed. “What the night women do to yer, people like it a lot. So they pay the women to come and, um…do…that to ‘em. But they only come in if you want them to. See? So they’re not gonna come in here alright Finny?”

“Only if they get invited?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” That was a massive relief, he really didn’t want strange women coming into his room and doing things. “Oh that’s good.”

Bard smiled at him, obviously pleased to have solved Finny’s problem so easily. But then another thought occurred to Finny and he frowned again.

“Bard…is Mey Rin a night woman?”

_“What?!”_

“I mean…she comes in here some nights and sorts things out in here, she brought you your cigarettes once when you’d forgotten them, and she brings in the clean clothes, so if she comes into our room sometimes and we want her there, is she a night woman?”

“No, Finny-“

“I can give Mey Rin my money if she wants! I don’t have much, but I don’t mind givin’ it to her…”

“No, Finny, Mey Rin’s not a lady of the night, aright? An’ she’d probably be quite cross if you said she was, so don’t go asking her about it, alright?”

“Oh. Why?”

“Because…because lots of people think that the women of the night are bad people and they shouldn’t do…what they do. So if you called Mey Rin that she might think that you thought she was bad too.”

“Oh! Oh no, I wouldn’t ever think that!” He would never think that Mey Rin was bad! She was so kind and patient and she smiled and gave the best hugs and she was always happy and singing with her work and everything, she was wonderful, how could anyone possibly think that Mey Rin was bad?

“I know you wouldn’t Finny, but let’s not take the risk.” Bard smiled at him, patting him on the shoulder. “You don’t have to worry any about night women anyway, they live in big cities, not out in the country like here, alright? You jus’ go back to sleep alright?”

“Alright…but I still don’t understand where babies come from.” Finny complained as he went back to his own bed.

Bard groaned as he lay back down, pulling the blanket over his head.

**

The next morning Finny was carefully polishing all the glass in the greenhouse. It was really tricky, he couldn’t crack a single pane or the plants would freeze and die Sebastian said, so he had to be extra super careful.

He was kneeling down, doing one of the bottom panes when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see Mey Rin coming up with a glass of iced water and smiled at her, pushing his hat back a little. He was glad she wasn’t a night lady, she worked enough during the day, it would be mean to make her work at night as well, he thought.

“Hello Finny, it’s a hot day, I thought I’d bring you a drink.” She said, coming to sit on the grass next to him. He took the glass gratefully.

“It really is! The sun’s so bright and warm today! It’s lovely!”

“Mmm.” She leaned back a little, breathing in the flower scented air. “Bard spoke to me this morning.”

“Oh?” Please say he hadn’t told Mey Rin about the night woman thing…he didn’t want to have her upset by him, he’d never think anything bad of her!

“Yes. He said, well, he said that you still didn’t understand about babies and such, and he’d tried to explain and so had Sebastian, but he didn’t think they’d done a very good job.”   
Finny shook his head, he still didn’t quite understand any of it, and he knew Bard and Sebastian had done their best to explain.

“So, he asked me if I’d talk to you. Seemed to think a woman might be better at it.” She shook her head. “A bit silly I think, yes I do. He could explain fine if he didn’t keep feeling embarrassed about it.”

“Oh.” Had Bard been embarrassed? Was that why he’d been blushing and stammering? That made sense actually. “Why?”

“Because no one likes talking about it.” She explained. “But that’s silly really…people like doing it. So why won’t they talk about it?”

“Doing what?”

“Sex.”

“What’s that?”

“Well you see Finny…”

Mey Rin settled herself more comfortably on the grass and began explaining the whole thing to Finny. Using words he actually understood and not leaving bits out. Finny breathed a sigh of relief.

“Do you understan’ now Finny?”

“Um...yeah I think so.” He said. “I don’t get why everyone gets so embarrassed about it though.”

“People can get very silly about it. So it’s probably best not to talk about it much, unless they bring it up first, that way you can make sure you don’t upset anyone.”

“Oh, right! I can do that.”

“Good.”

“Um…I’ve just got one more question though….”

“And what’s that?”

“What about if I want to kiss boys instead of girls? Would I get to have the baby then?”

“Um…”

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a headcanon from ShyWhovian! Thank you for permission to write and post it as a full story!
> 
> Want to chat about Black Butler further? Come hang out on my tumblr:
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/red-butler


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